Guilty
by superimperfection
Summary: J/L one shot :) based after the episode where Joey leaves Lauren in the pub & Lauren tells Tanya that Kristy is pregnant


**One shot based after the episode on the 19th where Joey leaves Lauren in the pub & Lauren tells Tanya that Kristy is pregnant.. been meaning to do it so here it is :) **

**Guilty **

I couldn't help but feel guilty from walking away from Lauren. She was drunk and vulnerable I shouldn't have left her, but seeing her day after day, night after night drowning herself in alcohol I was finally reaching breaking point.

I've never felt love before until I met Lauren, I didn't know how it felt to be so connected to one person as if your heart beats in one with theirs. The problem with Lauren was that she tends to keep things to herself, bottling up her feelings and emotions, something I can only see. Some of it has to do with me, when I broke her heart at Christmas after she shared so much of herself with me she drew back swearing that she would never let her guard fall down that low again. Once we reconnected she still remained guarded scared if she showed her emotions to me once again it would all end in heartbreak.

Today she was on another level, determined to drink and drink, I wasn't sure what had upset her she wouldn't say, all she kept repeating was that it was a secret, someone had sworn her to secrecy and it was eating her up. I watched as she bought another and another vodka and coke, downing them as if her life depended on it. Once the group had left, we sat in silence, her face had no emotion as she stared, I was pretty sure she couldn't hear anything I was saying. I wasn't sure if she was blanking me as no doubt she heard what I said to Lucy or whether the alcohol had taken effect on her, soon enough she would be passed out. I found myself getting fed up and left, not even sure if she had noticed I had even gone.

It was wrong of me to leave her alone, I wasn't even sure she had got home safely as she kept rejecting my calls. A few hours had passed and I decided to enter the lion's den and see if she was okay, my overall worry for the girl I love more important than my pride.

"Oh hi Joey" Tanya greeted me, stepping aside so I could go in before shutting the door behind me.

"Hey Tan, is she home?" I questioned, glancing into the living room seeing no sign of her on the couch.

"Yeah she came back wasted, she's upstairs, but I think you should come back tomorrow she's rather upset" Tanya continued, moving her position as she blocked the stairs.

"Why is she upset?" I quizzed feeling even guiltier now.

"Kristy's pregnant, Max asked her not to tell anyone it's been eating away at her" she replied, as if everything fell into place. The reason why she had been drinking so heavily, blocking me out whenever I asked what was wrong, the attitude she had with Kristy, another secret.

"I should have known" I muttered, I should have pushed her to tell me. I couldn't help but feel a little anger towards Max who had once more burdened his daughter with a huge secret; surely he knew she would crack at some point.

"Can I see her? Please" I asked, my voice begging a little, I needed to be there for her, she needed me.

"I doubt she's even conscious, she was sick when she came in, but sure" Tanya stepped away, my expression pleading with her to let me see my girlfriend.

I raced up the stairs, pausing outside her bedroom door for a second, before dropping the handle down and entering, closing it behind me. Looking to her bed, she was fast asleep, her face a little stained with mascara as she had clearly been crying, something which always broke my heart. Walking a little closer, I smiled softly noticing she was wearing my t-shirt even though it drowned her small frame.

Perching on the edge of the bed, I brushed the loose hair away from her face, her face naturally nuzzling into my hand. Her eyes fluttered open before connecting with mine.

"Hi babe" I whispered.

"Hi" she replied her voice a little croaky.

"Why didn't you tell me baby" my hands cupping her beautiful face as she realised I now knew.

"If I told someone it would make it all real" she whispered, her voice breaking a little, a few tears breaking from her eyes.

"I'm sorry for walking out, I just hate seeing you that way babe" pulling her into a hug, kicking off my shoes I slid under the covers with her, pulling her body up close to mine.

"I'm sorry for drinking, I'm just fed up with these stupid secrets" she murmured still tired.

"Whatever happens you have me, you can tell me anything babe" trying to get through to her that she could open up to me, I wanted her to.

"I know, I love you" she whispered, nuzzling her head into my chest, I could feel the dampness of her tears on my t-shirt.

"I love you more Lo" kissing her head softly, my fingers running through her hair soothing her to sleep. Right now she needed rest; we would deal with the other stuff tomorrow.


End file.
